I visited my parents' house a few weeks ago and smashed my toe on a piece of furniture. I really crunched it and pretty much broke my little toe. I'm not much of a complainer when infirm and it was fairly painful to walk on, even after I taped it up, so I basically tried to sit quietly as much as possible.

Looking on their coffee table, I noticed a thin book that looked interesting, entitled "Eats, Shoots & Leaves" by Lynne Truss. The book starts out with a joke:
A panda walks into a café. He orders a sandwich, eats it, then draws a gun and fires two shots in the air.

"Why?" asks the confused waiter, as the panda makes towards the exit. The panda produces a badly punctuated wildlife manual and tosses it over his shoulder.

"I'm a panda," he says at the door. "Look it up."

The waiter turns to the relevant entry and, sure enough, finds an explanation.

"Panda. Large black-and-white bear-like mammal, native to China. Eats, shoots and leaves."

I was hooked immediately, because I'm a bit of a punctuation stickler. Bad writing drives me crazy. Bad punctuation makes me homicidal. One of my biggest pet peeves is the contraction of the word "little." Most often you see it as Lil'. Now ask yourself: What word is being contracted here? Lily? Lillith? Lilliput? The right way - wait, let me re-phrase that - the only way to contract little is to write it as li'l. Lil' Kim, Lil' Bush, Lil' Bow Wow? You're officially on notice.

I'm no expert, but I do try to correctly make use of punctuation and grammar as much as possible. I make mistakes all the time, and I'm always happy to stand corrected (as Francine the Flower Child once told me, "Mistakes are lessons to be learned; you'll keep making the same mistakes until you learn that lesson"). Punctuation, grammar and spelling are not just for snobs and smartasses. They're the means by which we communicate clearly and effectively. For too long, we've allowed our culture to devolve into a celebration of ignorance and mediocrity. Lynne Truss has struck a blow for humanity, and I encourage everyone who reads this to pick up a copy, read it over and do your small part to save civilization from the barbarians. It's also funny and the covers aren't too far apart.

Vanity Plates have always seemed a little gauche. The rationale behind them has always been a mystery to me, sort of like as tattoo, but less permanent. What message would I like to send to my fellow drivers sitting behind me at the stoplight, so bored with whatever is going on inside the car that they are reading the back of mine? I could never think of one. A friend of mine and I tried to come up with some way-homers to our great amusement - QQQQ, Ki55-A55 - that we could try to slip past the censors in the County Clerk's office, but none that I actually wanted to pay the extra scratch for. I figure you have to really have something to say to the general public to go to that trouble. Although I was always partial to Kramer's vanity plate, ASS MAN...

Today, I saw an article about how the North Carolina DMV issued inadvertent vanity plates, and is offfering to replace them. Several residents complained when their new license plates started with WTF, and the state is going to replace them for free.

Finally, a vanity plate I can get behind. I kicked myself (literally) because I hadn't thought of that one. So I'm started a texting-shorthand-license-plate wishlist:

WTF
AFT
AMF
BFD
SOL
NSS

If there is a god, when I go to register my next car, I'll get one of these. And the best part is that only the kids will know. Meanwhile, I'll KMFC (Keep My Fingers Crossed - apparently, I made that one up!).

In 2006, a video startup made a startling announcement that sent shockwaves through the professional video world: the production of a camera that would capture images at a 4k resolution direct to hard disk or flash based memory cards, with the ability to use prime cinematographic lenses, for only $17,000. The Red camera was heralded as a game-changer for professional video, and production companies around the world plunked down a $1,000 deposit for the mythical camera. Red involved themselves in several online forums, and involved their customers in the design of the camera, further promoting brand loyalty before they ever had a product.

In 2007, Red released the first 25 Red One cameras to great hype. 4,000 cameras have been ordered and Red has already announced their next product line, a 3k handheld camera called the Scarlet, and a 5k camera called the Epic.

So what does this all mean? In short, the U.S. standardization body (the National Television System Committee) decided in the 1940s on a video standard that called for a video picture that was drawn with 525 lines 30 times a second. For more than 50 years, that was what video was. In the early 1980's, an international body developed a standard for High Definition video that called for a video picture to be drawn with 1080 lines 30 times a second. 20 years later, technology finally caught up with these goals and HD video became prevalent.

In digital terms, Standard definition images are 720 pixels wide by 480 pixels high, while HD video varies between 1280x720 pixels to 1920x1080 pixels depending on which mode you are shooting in. The Red One captures images at up to 4k - 4096x2304, more than twice the resolution of the highest HD standard - for only $17,000 (minus the lenses). This means you can shoot 35mm quality video at a fraction of the price. So why isn't this splashed all across the news and why aren't agencies bursting to deliver the highest quality video for their clients?

Because for many, these cameras are still vaporware. To date, Red has shipped, maybe, 2,000 units. It's not uncommon to find posts online from disgruntled customers who were given a ship date, paid in full, and then told that their camera was on hold indefinitely. Apparently, Red is incapable of keeping up with the demand. Adding insult to injury, they are already trumpeting their next line of cameras while they still can't fulfill the orders of their current line.

There are those that suggest that Red used the reservations for R&D money, rather than having to give up a portion of the company to a VC firm for startup funds. Still others suggest a kind of corporate shell game, where one is enticed to order the Red One, then encouraged to upgrade to the Epic before ever getting one's hands on the first camera. While the first statement may be true, I think what we have here is the beginnings of another video revolution, mirroring what has happened over the last 10 years in the storage market. these cameras are real and are shipping.

And the game is starting to change. Already companies are working hard to compete with Red on price and quality. Although, there are some problems associated with the Red One, once this company matures, they, along with Apple's Final Cut Pro, will have forced the high end video market downstream, giving the little fishes a chance at the big time. The real test will come when the Scarlet is released. A 3k video pocket professional camera for under $3,000 with no reservations will blow the prosumer market wide open, and all these premium HD camcorders will start collecting dust.

What do you do if you own a business that manufactures widgets that nobody wants to buy because a). their perceived quality is not good and b). their basic maintenance has become too expensive to justify? If you're Chrysler, you offer $2.99 a gallon gasoline for three years, guaranteed. That's right. Like a gas bank, your per gallon cost at the pump is frozen for three years at $2.99. Of course, there are caveats. You have to buy a new Chrysler and you have to have a valid Visa or Mastercard.

The way it works is this: they give you a special credit card that is attached to your account. This is your fuel card, recognized at 97% of all gas stations (according to Chrysler). Each year you are allowed to purchase a certain number of gallons of gas (87 octane unleaded gas - the cheap stuff) at $2.99 / gallon. They derive this number by dividing the average number of miles you drive by the average MPG of the car. So, you get 12,000 miles at $2.99 per year, and if you exceed that number, you pay full price. If you want a higher octane, you pay extra, but still not the full price, as long as you haven't bought your share of cheap gas that year.

So you ask yourself, is this a good marketing strategy? On the face of it, it seems so. It certainly is an extension of the U.S. auto manufacturers business strategy for the past 60 years or so: look for the short term gain, make the next quarter profitable. There's been no real long term strategy coming out of Detroit, except that gas is cheap and will always be so. And as a result Chrysler has a lot of inventory that no one wants. But, like a junky coming off a bender, the U.S. car-buying public is waking up to all of our bad choices over the years. We have an economy that is based on consumption and the cost of oil is placing that level of consumption out of reach.

In the short term, this campaign will probably drive the more easily frightened into Chrysler's showrooms. But there are plenty of people who know exactly what kind of mileage they get in their current vehicle, and even the lure of (relatively) cheap gas is not going to sway them from trying to improve that mileage, or get off crude oil altogether. In the long term, Chrysler is just whistling past the graveyard. Deep down in their hearts, even those that decide to bite at this offer will realize that in three years they will end up with a $16,000 lawn ornament that no one will want to take off their hands. A better long-term strategy for consumers is to look into school, car or vanpooling, public transportation, or bicycling. A better strategy for Chrysler is to look beyond the next quarter and start to plan for when the demand for gas starts to exceed the supply. Which actually means planning for today.

Microsoft has had a lot of press lately, and none of it very good. First, they were sued for certifying computer components as "Vista Capable" when they were clearly not; next, they announced the closing of the MSN music store, thereby orphaning thousands of legitimately purchased songs; then they were publicly told to speak to the hand by Yahoo; and now it's rumored that MS will install filtering software as a part of a future update that will not only scan your Zune (OK, maybe not your Zune, but the Zunes of the 12 people who have actually purchased one) for "unauthorized" content, but then delete any music or movies not purchased from the Zune store. One has to wonder, what in the world is going on over there?

Granted, Microsoft is not hurting. They still print money in their headquarters in Redmond, WA. But when you're fined by the EU for anti-trust violations, caught gaming your sales numbers and being dismissed as irrelevant by Motley Fool, it might be time to think about some fresh leadership. Bill Gates was wise to split when he did; perhaps he saw the writing on the wall. In any case, it is upon Steve Ballmer's shoulders that the blame for the morass that Microsoft has become will fall.

Microsoft is a gigantic ship, widely perceived as unsinkable. However, as we learned from watching Titanic for the 152nd time over the weekend, we know that there is no such thing. How much longer until Ballmer walks the plank? And at what point is he going to throw up his hands and say, "What the hell?! I'm a billionaire for God's sake, I don't need this!" My prediction is that within the year, Steve Ballmer will either have engineered a hostile takeover of Yahoo and mounted Jerry Yang's head on his wall, or Bill Gates will be back in the CEO's hyperbaric chamber in Redmond, cruelly plotting the overthrow of free software.

I'm in a haze as I sit down in Colleen Doyle's office. The weather outside is beautiful, but pollen or something in the air is clouding my ability to hold a thought for more than a few moments. Colleen is very gracious as I ramble on, and we talk a bit about our backgrounds. Suddenly, I realize who she is. She is my doppelganger; we have both lived in Dallas, we have both lived on the west coast, we both have brown hair.

Colleen: We're both totally awesome! (laughs)
CM: (laughs) Yeah.

Colleen: OK, I got to go soon, so...
CM: Yeah, OK. First question: What is your favorite website?
Colleen: I don't know...I mean I got rid of my computer. It was a crappy computer, so I got rid of it and I haven't gotten another one. It's been really nice. I mostly listen to records now.

CM: Really?
Colleen: Yeah, it's been nice. Hmm... I'd probably say allmusic.com. You can get info on artists and albums.

CM: Did your old computer die?
Colleen: No it was just really crappy. I got all my information off of it, but never got another one. It's in the trunk of my car (laughs). I'm probably going to get a laptop, but I just haven't done it yet. But allmusic.com, it's great if you want information on a band.

CM: OK, left, bottom or side? What's your favorite dock location?
Colleen: Dock location? As in boats?? (laughs incredulously).

CM: (laughing) No. You know, the dock. On your computer. Where your applications are?
Colleen: Oh (laughs). Uh, the bottom? I mean, I'd be happy to have access to a dock! (laughs) Yeah, the bottom. it's what I've always known.

CM: (still laughing) Ok. Ok. What dock icon do you click on the most?
Colleen: The Dashboard. God, I hope I don't sound stupid!

CM: No, no. I'm not being very clear. Wait, did you say the Dashboard?
Colleen: Yeah. I use the calculator, check the time, date, the temperature...

CM: Oh. What about CurrentTrack?
Colleen: Oh, I'm in the system all the time. And email.

CM: OK. Do you have a profile on Myspace, Facebook, Plaxo, etc.?
Colleen: MySpace and Facebook.

CM: Which do you use the most?
Colleen: MySpace. for the 'What's going on this weekend' aspect.

CM: What do you think about Facebook?
Colleen: I like it. It's a little more grown up. I have a foot in each camp. I have friends that are like "Hey, I have $10, let's go to Cahoots,"  and I have friends that are like "Hey, let's go to Jack Fry's."

CM: OK. Here's the last question. What's your problem?
Colleen: (laughs) Ha! Oh God...what's my problem!? Let's see... gotta think... my problem is with people who are not in touch with reality.

CM: NOT in touch?
Colleen: Yeah, you know, the ones who walk around like...zombies. The zombie nation, not present, in the moment? Not aware of what they do with their time? I just try to be present.

CM: Oh yeah, I hear you loud and clear. Let me tell you another boring story...

My doppelganger gently shoos me out of her office. Our recorded conversation is short, but the actual conversation has taken much longer. She is remarkably present and prepares to finish her day here, as I trudge back into the haze of another clear and beautiful spring day.

Walking past Kati Parrish's desk, I am often reminded of a field near my house. In the middle of that field, there is a tree root poking up out of the earth, dozens of yards away from its trunk, and I am often struck by the thought, as I come across this natural wonder, at how far that root extends from the tree and yet still provides it essential support. Kati Parrish is that root in our company. Except way more active.

CM: OK, you got 10, 15 minutes?
KP: Gimme 3... gimme 30 seconds!

CM: OK...
KP: I swear, no more than 30 seconds (leaving the room).

KP: (1 minute later) Was it 30 seconds? Less?
CM: No, it was more like a minute.

KP: Nuh uh! Come on, man!
CM: It was a minute, what do you want?

KP: All right. It's Facebook.
CM: Umm...

KP: Isn't that the first question?
CM: Yeah...

(We are interrupted by Traffic, discussing things I don't understand or care about)
Traffic: blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah?
KP: Blah, blah blah blah t-shirts blah blah blah.

KP: Sorry.
CM: OK, what's your favorite website?
KP: Facebook. It just recently changed. I used to be on MySpace, but I only checked it, like, once a week. I used it to keep in touch with family, cousins, things like that. I got on Facebook two weeks ago because of Danielle, and I. Love. It!

CM: Why?
KP: Oh, because it has lots of fun apps, things I can play at lunch or at home. Funny apps. It has Superheroes, and I don't understand it, but I have lots of manna. I've fought everybody here in the office. I will take on any comers! (laughs)

CM: What's manna?
KP: No idea. (cackles).

CM: Has anybody find you yet?
KP: You know, I've had four friends from high school track me down so far on Faceboook. I've connected to former clients and vendors.

CM: Had any propositions?
KP: Not so far, but I did on MySpace. All. The. Time! (Laughs)

CM: Do you want to....
KP: No.

CM: OK...
KP: The other thing I like about it is that it keeps a history of contacts, and it's all right there on the home page, I don't have to go looking for it! It's a lot more user friendly.

(The phone rings)

KP: (Having a conversation I don't understand or care about) Blah. Blah blah. (long pause) Blah blah IRS,

(Hangs up)

KP: Sorry.
CM: OK, bottom right or left? Where do you prefer your dock?
KP: Bottom. I used to have it on the left for a long time. But I think the bottom is more user-friendly. It's easier to get to, easier to manipulate. I'm a bottom docker.

CM: Which icon do you click on the most, in your dock?
KP: (Distracted by phone) Huh? Sorry, say that again?

CM: Which icon do you click on the most, in your dock?
KP: Weelllll, I click on Firefox the most. I have to reboot it at least once a day. (laughs)

CM: What's the problem?
KP: Well, whenever I click on a form, my cursor disappears! I can click on links, I can go backwards, but I can't fill in forms. It's like it doesn't recognize my keyboard. And it started, I hate to say it, when I installed Leopard.

CM: Really.
KP: Yeeeeeah....

CM: OK, do you have a MySpace, Facebook, LinkedIn, Plaxo?
KP. Yes. All of the above! (laughs)

CM: I think we covered which one you like best.
KP: Yeah, we covered that. Prior to Facebook? Probably MySpace, but I've never been a big MySpace fan. I 've been on LinkedIn for, like, forever. At least 4 or 5 years. My sister, the one in Chicago, hooked me up a looong time ago. All the others? In the last 12 months.

(Interrupted by Designer with a conversation I don't understand or care about)

Designer: Blah blah blah.
KP: Blah?

Designer: Blah blah blah blah.
KP: Blah blah German life.

Designer: OK.

(Leaves)

KP: Sorry. OK, what's next?
CM: Uhhhh... What's your problem?

KP: Hmm. Professionally? My computer. I don't know what it is. I'm running out of hard drive space? Or RAM? I don't know. Things are cracking up on me (laughs). Personally? It's sickness. Everybody keeps getting the flu! First Jeff gets over it, then Tyler gets it, then she gets over it, then Megan gets it. On and on and on! I'm hoping it's done, (looks up) please please please! I'm ready for some sleep! (laughs and looks at her computer) $35,000? Dang it!

And so I step away from her desk barely noticed, leaving her to her faulty computer and near constant interruptions, turn and make my way across the field towards home.

Donovan Sears starts his backup before we start talking. Methodical, fastidious, usually pretty cagey, Donovan is relaxed and in good humor this afternoon. His neighbor, Luke, keeps peeping over to see what's going on. We ignore him. Donovan sets aside his jelly jar of Dr. Pepper and braces himself for the 5 question interview.

Donovan: Just 5 questions right?
CM: Right. OK, what's your favorite website?
Donovan: Oh God...(sighs)...I'll have to go with John Nack's blog.

CM: John Nack?
Donovan: He's from Adobe. He writes about Photoshop and inDesign.

CM: OK. Why?
Donovan: Oh, there's lots of cool stuff on there. He's real off the wall sometimes and it all relates to our field. It's nice to look at. (He pulls up the site) See? It's orange (Laughs and points to his orange sweater).

CM: Right. OK, Bottom or on the side? Where do you prefer your dock?
Donovan: Bottom. Definitely the bottom. I'm a bottom feeder. I used to have it on the side when I had an iMac, but now that I've got the big screen... I grew out of that phase.

CM: Did you know you could have the dock on the top? Ashley had never heard of it.
Donovan: No, I never heard of that. Is that some kind of utility?

CM: No, it's a hack.
Donovan: Oh.

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Today marks the inauguratory interview in an ongoing series of sit-downs with the CurrentMarketing team, in which we ask each subject the same 5 questions. Selected through a process involving a series of hand gestures while eyes closed, culminating in a pen stabbed randomly into a series of names, today's Lucky Bastard is Ashley Baker, the sunny Miss Media herself. So let us start to get to know Ashley on this day, what we're affectionately calling "Ash Wednesday":

CM: What's your favorite website?
AB: Does it have to be a smart one?

CM: No, just your favorite one.
AB: Hmmm...(thinks about it)....I'd have to say Perez Hilton.

CM: Why?
AB: It has up-to-the-minute celebrity gossip. Straight from the Hollywood Hills.

CM: OK, Left, bottom or side - which do you prefer for you dock location?
AB: Bottom. Definitely the bottom. I don't like it on the side.

CM: Hey, did you know there's a way you can make it appear on the top? Would you like that?
AB: Um, I don't deal well with change.

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Recently, I completed a project in Flash that required all of the graphic elements to be rendered as vector shapes. I decided to use ActionScript only to draw every interface element. Why? Well, as our French friends say, "For the challenge!" There are practical reasons too involving control over look and feel of the page and other esoteric issues, but that is for another post.

What's important is that I developed a burning desire to add Apple gel-type buttons to my interface (I like the way they look, so sue me), and I searched online for ways to create these buttons using vector tools. I found many links like this and this and this, but none addressed creating the buttons using the Flash Drawing API. So I studied each tutorial, absorbed the process, then automated it. And I will show you how I did it.

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