I have often said that "just because I own a pipe wrench, that doesn't make me a plumber." Unfortunately, owning a computer makes a lot of people think they are a graphic designer. Putting aside the typical technical mistakes and bad clip art for a minute, let's talk about what drives me (and most professional designers) crazy: bad fonts. Fonts can set a tone, deliver context and provide aesthetic elements to a project. And they can also completely ruin a design project. The following are 5 fonts that I propose we stop using. In fact, trash the files so you are never tempted to "make your design fun."

1. Carpenter

This font was all the rage 10 years ago. You saw it everywhere from wedding invitations to billboards for anything feminine or classy. The problem is that it is impossible to read. Please pick another script face that doesn't require a second look to decipher.

2. Papyrus

It's the go-to font for people working on anything to do with nature, history or who are just looking to annoy me. It constantly shows up in museum and zoo design projects. Bottom line: It's been done. To death. Stop it.

3. Comic Sans

This one has been a problem for a long time and by now, everybody should know better. There are web sites devoted to hatred of this typeface. People think it's fun and friendly and folks must love it, because it has been around forever. But that doesn't make it right. Ever.

4. Fajita

Fajita turns up exactly where you would expect it to: Mexican restaurant menus and party invitations. It's exactly the kind of font my Mom would use to lay out the pages in her church cookbook. And while I love my mother (and her cooking) I hate this font.

5. Hobo

This one is a running joke at our office. Any time someone in the art studio (usually an AE) says "What font..." they will not get to finish their question because one of us will answer "HOBO?" What makes this extra funny is that Hobo turned up today on a highly visible promotional project for a huge event here in Louisville. And while it is a nice looking piece, all I can see is the Hobo. Someone should have known better.

Bottom line: when in doubt, use Helvetica. It's always appropriate.

We work in a pretty laid back environment and there is no better example of this than the music that is playing in the studio from 9am until the last artist leaves for the night. It isn't unusual for someone from the Accounts or Media department to park at the main table with their laptop just to listen for a while.

As a group, the folks who work here in the Art Department at Current are nice people. We work hard. We play hard. We enjoy the occasional "That's what she said" joke. (OK, more than occasionally.) But there are times when we can be a surly, standoffish lot. We work on tight deadlines and are under pressure everyday to be clever and creative. A big part of our job is to take criticism – and sometimes outright rejection – on a daily basis, and as hard as we might try to "be the shepherd," there are rare occasions where you end up dealing with "the tyranny of evil men."

What most people don't realize is that you can gauge the mood of the Art Department by taking a second and listening to what music is playing in the studio before you come in and drop your "Advertising Emergency" on an unsuspecting artist. The play list is a fairly accurate barometer of the tone of the room and you can adjust your approach accordingly. Here's a primer on what to expect, depending on what's playing.

WFPK is playing - Things are busy in the studio...too busy to pick music.

80's Music - The mood in the room is fairly light. We're busy, but for the most part approachable, and you should be able to get pretty much whatever you are asking for, within reason. You'll have your best luck with me, Dennis or Cathy. The decade didn't rock hard enough for Donovan and Arica is too young to remember the 80's.

Hair Band Rock - Chances are, you just missed the Best Video: "Cherry Pie" or "Here I Go Again" debate, we're in a good mood and feeling pretty sassy. You are likely to get some good-natured grief, but it shouldn't stop you from asking for pretty much anything. We'll be revved up and working quickly.

Motorhead/Metallica/Rage Against the Machine - When things go harder than Guns N' Roses, you should probably turn around and walk away. You are better off giving it a half an hour to see if the mood shifts.

Bobby Brown/New Edition/Michael Jackson - I'm probably DJ-ing and taking requests. Our Traffic Pixie Laura is a big fan of Bobby B and the King of Pop. I'd steer clear of Donovan. He's not.

Black Rebel Motorcycle Club - This is your chance to get to Donovan. It's his favorite band. And it should be your favorite band too. They rock.

Country Music - This doesn't make it onto the play list very often in the studio. Country music can be pretty depressing and that's the last thing we need. If you hear Johnny, Willie or Garth, talk to Arica. She likes both kinds of music: Country & Western.

Show Tunes - Dennis and I obviously have the studio to ourselves, because we would never try to get that past the rest of the department. A little Rogers & Hammerstein goes a long way with us and you could probably blackmail us into doing pretty much anything with this information.

ABBA - Someone has let Cathy pick the music. Whatever you need done should go straight to her desk. She should know better.

Yacht Rock - You know the groups: Steely Dan, Michael McDonald, Toto and the King of Smooth, Kenny Loggins. I have likely asked for requests and been given the patented studio answer, "Just play something that doesn't suck."™  You say something like that, you deserve to listen to "Yamo Be There" and "Rikki Don't Lose That Number."

In all honesty, compared to many of the Art Departments I've worked in, we're a very easy bunch to deal with. And hopefully these tips should make it that much easier.

The blogosphere is abuzz with opinions on Apple’s new iPad. Opinions vary from devotion bordering on boy-band frenzy to the blind contempt usually reserved in geek culture for Joel Schumacher films and the idea that Greedo shot first. I’ll spare you my lengthy opinion. Suffice it to say, I love mine and I think the device is the next step in how we interact with media and communication with each other.

The initial ad for the iPad was another in a long line of hip Apple spots. If early numbers are to be believed, the iPad is a sales success and Apple is once again way ahead of the curve. But what people forget is how far ahead of the curve they really were on this. Like 18 years ahead.

I give you… The Newton, the world’s first PDA (a term coined by Apple CEO John Scully at CES in 1992.) And unlike the Apple projects of the last 10-15 years, the Newton was, by most measures, a miserable failure. Intended originally as a stand-alone computer, it eventually became a peripheral device that just couldn’t find an audience. Not that they didn’t try. Newton was originally marketed with a  series of 3 spots explaining “Who?" "What?" and "Where?” Newton was. While they don’t really measure up to the famous 1984 ad, they have a certain early 90’s nostalgic charm that makes me long for my college days.

Er, I mean, my grade school days.

I'm not sure what transgression I have committed to inspire such bad Super Bowl ad karma. Maybe it was all those years of prohibited rebroadcasting or retransmission or accounts of NFL games, without the express written consent of the National Football League, but my assignment was the 4th quarter and this year there wasn't much to pick from.

Let's recap: Not one, but two really creepy Denny's chicken ads, another talking baby ad for E-Trade (a cringe-inducing pet peeve of mine) and an Audi ad that butchered one of the anthems of my youth, Cheap Trick's Dream Police. But all of that pales in comparison to the Taco Bell ad featuring the "Round Mound of Rebound," Charles Barkley rapping the virtues of a $5 box of tacos. Sadly for Chuck, it was less Dr. Dre and more Dr. Seuss. I have a feeling Charles just lost some serious street cred with this spot.

There were two bright spots in the quarter for me: the Vizio spot and the funniest Bud Light ad of the night, "Book Club."  It wasn't so much that I loved the Vizio ad, but seeing Beyonce manhandled by a robot is always good. And when I saw the same robot drop a zombie into a pit with her, I thought to myself, "If this zombie bites Beyonce, I don't care what they are selling...I'm in."  And the Bud light ad was one of the few to actually make me chuckle all night. "I'd like to hear you read some words." Indeed.

For me, the third quarter ads were a hit-and-miss bunch this year. Coming off the Springsteen half time show, I was in a great mood and my wager (for entertainment purposes only) was still in play, so maybe that was why the "Heroes" spot featuring NFL stars played so well in my mind, even though I gave up on the show last season and I hate John Elway.  In spite of some ham-handed CGI, I thought the spot was clever and fun.

But my mood was quickly squashed by a parade of mediocre ads from Toyota and Priceline, which felt like rehashes of current campaigns, and Overstock.com who used Carlos Boozer to shill for their site. Note to advertisers: if at some point, you feel like you have to put your "celebrity" spokesman's full name up on the screen so everyone who doesn't live in Utah knows who it is, maybe you should rethink your selection. While Carlos seemed charming enough, they should really have sprung for a pitch man with a Q rating higher than mine.

And I'm just going to say it... I don't understand why everyone always gushes over the Budweiser Clydesdale ads. (All 3 ranked in the top 15 on the USAToday rankings.) I thought they were less than clever and suffered form some really bad CGI in spots. This is the Super Bowl. At this level, (and with these budgets) there are no excuses for "sore thumb" visual effects.

For me, the highlight of the third quarter lineup was the "Hate Work" spot for Careerbuilder. It was funny, it demanded your attention, and best of all, it made sense, which was a rare commodity this year. While it didn't score well on the USAToday ad meter, it was popular with viewers on their site. And for the record, I DO work next to that guy.

Now let's check in with our resident boy-genius "The Bouv" for a 4th Quarter wrap-up.

I know I’ve said it before, but I love this time of year. It’s late October and the best teams in baseball are battling to see who will be crowned world champion. It’s a time when legends are made and hearts are broken.  (And in case you hadn't noticed from the first two clips, there is a glaring lack of actual baseball footage on the internet. Thanks MLB! So here is my greatest childhood baseball memory, lovingly recreated using NES RBI Baseball.)

So I thought it might be fun to look back as some classic commercials featuring the Boys of Summer; some of baseball's immortals and some not so much. Back in the 50s and 60s, it wasn't uncommon for ballplayers to take winter jobs to supplement meager earnings. So picking up an extra few bucks to shill for breakfast cereals and disposable razors was a welcome windfall. Here are a 5 of my favorites:

1) I was always a big fan of the Bob Uecker Miller Lite ads, and being a Yankee fan, this one helps me to forget the miserable season we just went through. I'm sure they're great seats Ueck, but with the  ticket rates at the new Yankee Stadium, I'll never know.

2) This is a strange one: Mickey Mantle for Karo Syrup. I'm not sure what I like more, Mick's delivery or the fact that they managed to sober him up long enough to get through the filming.

3) This isn't your kid's Playstation: Roger Maris hawks Action Baseball game. Roger wasn't the most charismatic ballplayer of all time, but I can't hit a curveball, so what do I know?

4) Duke Snyder sells Ovaltine, with the help of Captain Midnight. I've got a 3 word secret clue for you. Ovaltine tastes nasty.

5) Several Dodger greats, including Roy Campanella, Don Zimmer, and Louisville's own Pee Wee Reece pitch Gillette Speed Razors. And I'll even throw in a link for a companion spot featuring Yankee, Dodger and Giant "greats" with one of the best unibrows since Frida Kahlo around the 1:22 mark. Enjoy.

After years of being one of my favorite shows, CSI: Crime Scene Investigation sort of lost some of its luster for me last season.  And by CSI, I don’t mean CSI Miami, or CSI New York or CSI Okalona, or any of the other abominations that they pass off as television programming. I’m talking about the O.G. show… CSI Las Vegas.

The season premier, “For Warrick,” was the payoff to the “For Gedda” cliffhanger from last year’s finale that left Warrick Brown shot in an alley. And since it was a foregone conclusion that Gary Dourdan’s character would not survive, (due, it seems, more to Dourdan’s off the set antics than for story reasons,) the premier was less plot resolution and more a sad goodbye to Warrick. Particularly strong was William Peterson, who usually gives a very even keeled performance as Gil Grissom. His delivery of Warrick’s eulogy was particularly moving and was one of the few times we get to see Grissom’s emotional side. (As opposed to Nick Stokes, who seems to get emotional when the weather changes.)

It isn’t that I don’t enjoy the show any more. The writing is still as good as it ever was and the performances are still interesting. (Particularly Peterson, whom I have loved since Manhunter… the original Silence of the Lambs prequel. Damn you Ed Norton for remaking that movie!) But the show has hit that point in its run where it has started to coast on its success.  And there is no bigger sign than that Peterson, the show’s lead and the department’s leader, is leaving in episode 10 this season. Shows often lose actors and it isn’t always the kiss of death, but it really feels like the sharks are circling and The Fonz is revving up his bike.

But C.S.I. isn’t going down without a fight and to keep the show in the top 5, they are bringing in a heavy hitter… namely the heaviest hitter of them all, Ike Turner himself, Lawrence Fishburne, to replace Peterson as the head of CSI. Fishburne will show up in episode 9 as a permanent cast member. They are also finally replacing Jorja Fox, who’s character, Sara Sidel, left last season. Fans of Showtime’s “The L Word” will recognize, Lauren Lee Smith, who will be playing Bryce Adams, a character described by CBS as “a flirty and smart CSI who entered law enforcement to rebel against a controlling father.”

I’ll be interested to see what happens this season, because if anyone can save this show for me, it’s Morpheus.

A few months ago the iPhone became a truly “smart phone” with the addition of 3rd party applications and I am not too proud to admit that I have become more than a little dependent on a few of them. Here are three that I use daily.

1. Twitterific - My best friend and I have traded Larry King-style e-mails for years. Daily lists of  non-sequiturs that didn’t merit a phone call or an e-mail, but that needed to be shared. Twitter replaced all of that and Twitterific made if mobile. If you ever wanted to know what I’m listening to or what I thought about the latest episode of Heroes, you can find out by following me with Twitterific. For about ten bucks, you can buy the premium version, or download the free version that displays the occasional, unobtrusive ad.

2.  ScoreMobile - I’m a big sports fan (Yankees, Buccaneers and UofL) and ScoreMobile puts up-to-the-minute game information at my fingertips. Everything from pre-game betting lines (for entertainment purposes only, of course) to starting pitchers and injury reports, this is a must-have for the sports fan. I can't wait to get back to Vegas and hit the sports book with this little gem. Coverage includes MLB, NFL, NCAAF, NBA, NCAAB, NHL and CFL.

3. Urbanspoon – Having trouble deciding where to have lunch? Wondering if there is a restaurant that offers vegetarian dishes in the Clifton area? Then you’ll want to check out Urbanspoon.  Just select your city (or let the built-in GPS find you if you are rocking the new 3G iPhone) and three slot machine-style dials let you select a neighborhood, a type of food and a price range. Lock in a choice in any of the reels and “shake” your phone and the gods of fate will pick a place that fits your parameters. Don’t like the choice? Just shake again and see what comes up. Once you settle on a restaurant, Urbanspoon can give you an address, phone number and reviews and a “Like it” score. You can also take chance out of the mix and browse the lists manually.

All three of these apps are free and can be found on iTunes.

Not everyone gets an Oscar nomination in their first big screen role. (I'm looking at you Ed Norton.) For most professional actors, their careers progress in stages and they spend a lot of time paying their dues. Before they get their big breaks, even some of cinema’s most respected actors will make ends meet by shilling for pretty much anything.

Some of the biggest names in Hollywood, like John Travolta and Morgan Freeman paid the bills by pitching soap and mouthwash. Before staring in classics like Legends of the Fall and Fight Club, one of Tinsletown's hottest hunks, Brad Pitt, made his mark selling Pringles. And nothing sells burgers like a cute kid, especially if that kid grows up to be a hot vampire-killer.

One of the funniest guys in Hollywood, Paul Rudd, took a turn as pitchman for Nintendo, with mixed results. But one of my all-time favorites has to be this gem from smart aleck actor Seth Green.

Wow, I miss the 80's.

I don't know about you, but there are few things I love more than a good old-fashioned clash of cultures. And the culture I find myself most fascinated with/confused by is Japanese pop culture. I don't really understand Hello Kitty or PokeMon, Anime cartoons confuse me and Japanese horror movies give me nightmares. (I'm not proud.) But what I love most is the appropriation of our western culture by the Japanese, often with hilarious results.

Take for example celebrity endorsements. In the age of instant access and unlimited information, most celebrities go to great lengths to protect their image. They hire consultants and spin-doctors. They train their bodies rigorously and diet religiously. But one image concession even the biggest stars in Hollywood are willing to make is the big money grab of overseas commercials. Stars who would never consider "selling out" by doing strange commercials where they look ridiculous, (at least by Western standards) have been throwing caution into the wind for years and selling everything from cosmetics and alcohol to fizzy drinks and yogurt. Most involve a celebrity standing around looking beautiful and holding/pointing to/eating/drinking the product. But my favorites are the ones that get lost in the translation. Like watching a pre-Food Network episode of Iron Chef (sub-titles, please, no voiceover) or a black and white Godzilla movie, I often don't know what is going on, but I don't really care. But with my all-time favorite Japanese celebrity shill, I think very little is lost in the translation, mostly because I can't really understand this guy when he is speaking English. That's just bad acting, in any language.

arigato