I'm not sure what transgression I have committed to inspire such bad Super Bowl ad karma. Maybe it was all those years of prohibited rebroadcasting or retransmission or accounts of NFL games, without the express written consent of the National Football League, but my assignment was the 4th quarter and this year there wasn't much to pick from.

Let's recap: Not one, but two really creepy Denny's chicken ads, another talking baby ad for E-Trade (a cringe-inducing pet peeve of mine) and an Audi ad that butchered one of the anthems of my youth, Cheap Trick's Dream Police. But all of that pales in comparison to the Taco Bell ad featuring the "Round Mound of Rebound," Charles Barkley rapping the virtues of a $5 box of tacos. Sadly for Chuck, it was less Dr. Dre and more Dr. Seuss. I have a feeling Charles just lost some serious street cred with this spot.

There were two bright spots in the quarter for me: the Vizio spot and the funniest Bud Light ad of the night, "Book Club."  It wasn't so much that I loved the Vizio ad, but seeing Beyonce manhandled by a robot is always good. And when I saw the same robot drop a zombie into a pit with her, I thought to myself, "If this zombie bites Beyonce, I don't care what they are selling...I'm in."  And the Bud light ad was one of the few to actually make me chuckle all night. "I'd like to hear you read some words." Indeed.

For me, the third quarter ads were a hit-and-miss bunch this year. Coming off the Springsteen half time show, I was in a great mood and my wager (for entertainment purposes only) was still in play, so maybe that was why the "Heroes" spot featuring NFL stars played so well in my mind, even though I gave up on the show last season and I hate John Elway.  In spite of some ham-handed CGI, I thought the spot was clever and fun.

But my mood was quickly squashed by a parade of mediocre ads from Toyota and Priceline, which felt like rehashes of current campaigns, and Overstock.com who used Carlos Boozer to shill for their site. Note to advertisers: if at some point, you feel like you have to put your "celebrity" spokesman's full name up on the screen so everyone who doesn't live in Utah knows who it is, maybe you should rethink your selection. While Carlos seemed charming enough, they should really have sprung for a pitch man with a Q rating higher than mine.

And I'm just going to say it... I don't understand why everyone always gushes over the Budweiser Clydesdale ads. (All 3 ranked in the top 15 on the USAToday rankings.) I thought they were less than clever and suffered form some really bad CGI in spots. This is the Super Bowl. At this level, (and with these budgets) there are no excuses for "sore thumb" visual effects.

For me, the highlight of the third quarter lineup was the "Hate Work" spot for Careerbuilder. It was funny, it demanded your attention, and best of all, it made sense, which was a rare commodity this year. While it didn't score well on the USAToday ad meter, it was popular with viewers on their site. And for the record, I DO work next to that guy.

Now let's check in with our resident boy-genius "The Bouv" for a 4th Quarter wrap-up.

I know I’ve said it before, but I love this time of year. It’s late October and the best teams in baseball are battling to see who will be crowned world champion. It’s a time when legends are made and hearts are broken.  (And in case you hadn't noticed from the first two clips, there is a glaring lack of actual baseball footage on the internet. Thanks MLB! So here is my greatest childhood baseball memory, lovingly recreated using NES RBI Baseball.)

So I thought it might be fun to look back as some classic commercials featuring the Boys of Summer; some of baseball's immortals and some not so much. Back in the 50s and 60s, it wasn't uncommon for ballplayers to take winter jobs to supplement meager earnings. So picking up an extra few bucks to shill for breakfast cereals and disposable razors was a welcome windfall. Here are a 5 of my favorites:

1) I was always a big fan of the Bob Uecker Miller Lite ads, and being a Yankee fan, this one helps me to forget the miserable season we just went through. I'm sure they're great seats Ueck, but with the  ticket rates at the new Yankee Stadium, I'll never know.

2) This is a strange one: Mickey Mantle for Karo Syrup. I'm not sure what I like more, Mick's delivery or the fact that they managed to sober him up long enough to get through the filming.

3) This isn't your kid's Playstation: Roger Maris hawks Action Baseball game. Roger wasn't the most charismatic ballplayer of all time, but I can't hit a curveball, so what do I know?

4) Duke Snyder sells Ovaltine, with the help of Captain Midnight. I've got a 3 word secret clue for you. Ovaltine tastes nasty.

5) Several Dodger greats, including Roy Campanella, Don Zimmer, and Louisville's own Pee Wee Reece pitch Gillette Speed Razors. And I'll even throw in a link for a companion spot featuring Yankee, Dodger and Giant "greats" with one of the best unibrows since Frida Kahlo around the 1:22 mark. Enjoy.

After years of being one of my favorite shows, CSI: Crime Scene Investigation sort of lost some of its luster for me last season.  And by CSI, I don’t mean CSI Miami, or CSI New York or CSI Okalona, or any of the other abominations that they pass off as television programming. I’m talking about the O.G. show… CSI Las Vegas.

The season premier, “For Warrick,” was the payoff to the “For Gedda” cliffhanger from last year’s finale that left Warrick Brown shot in an alley. And since it was a foregone conclusion that Gary Dourdan’s character would not survive, (due, it seems, more to Dourdan’s off the set antics than for story reasons,) the premier was less plot resolution and more a sad goodbye to Warrick. Particularly strong was William Peterson, who usually gives a very even keeled performance as Gil Grissom. His delivery of Warrick’s eulogy was particularly moving and was one of the few times we get to see Grissom’s emotional side. (As opposed to Nick Stokes, who seems to get emotional when the weather changes.)

It isn’t that I don’t enjoy the show any more. The writing is still as good as it ever was and the performances are still interesting. (Particularly Peterson, whom I have loved since Manhunter… the original Silence of the Lambs prequel. Damn you Ed Norton for remaking that movie!) But the show has hit that point in its run where it has started to coast on its success.  And there is no bigger sign than that Peterson, the show’s lead and the department’s leader, is leaving in episode 10 this season. Shows often lose actors and it isn’t always the kiss of death, but it really feels like the sharks are circling and The Fonz is revving up his bike.

But C.S.I. isn’t going down without a fight and to keep the show in the top 5, they are bringing in a heavy hitter… namely the heaviest hitter of them all, Ike Turner himself, Lawrence Fishburne, to replace Peterson as the head of CSI. Fishburne will show up in episode 9 as a permanent cast member. They are also finally replacing Jorja Fox, who’s character, Sara Sidel, left last season. Fans of Showtime’s “The L Word” will recognize, Lauren Lee Smith, who will be playing Bryce Adams, a character described by CBS as “a flirty and smart CSI who entered law enforcement to rebel against a controlling father.”

I’ll be interested to see what happens this season, because if anyone can save this show for me, it’s Morpheus.

A few months ago the iPhone became a truly “smart phone” with the addition of 3rd party applications and I am not too proud to admit that I have become more than a little dependent on a few of them. Here are three that I use daily.

1. Twitterific - My best friend and I have traded Larry King-style e-mails for years. Daily lists of  non-sequiturs that didn’t merit a phone call or an e-mail, but that needed to be shared. Twitter replaced all of that and Twitterific made if mobile. If you ever wanted to know what I’m listening to or what I thought about the latest episode of Heroes, you can find out by following me with Twitterific. For about ten bucks, you can buy the premium version, or download the free version that displays the occasional, unobtrusive ad.

2.  ScoreMobile - I’m a big sports fan (Yankees, Buccaneers and UofL) and ScoreMobile puts up-to-the-minute game information at my fingertips. Everything from pre-game betting lines (for entertainment purposes only, of course) to starting pitchers and injury reports, this is a must-have for the sports fan. I can't wait to get back to Vegas and hit the sports book with this little gem. Coverage includes MLB, NFL, NCAAF, NBA, NCAAB, NHL and CFL.

3. Urbanspoon – Having trouble deciding where to have lunch? Wondering if there is a restaurant that offers vegetarian dishes in the Clifton area? Then you’ll want to check out Urbanspoon.  Just select your city (or let the built-in GPS find you if you are rocking the new 3G iPhone) and three slot machine-style dials let you select a neighborhood, a type of food and a price range. Lock in a choice in any of the reels and “shake” your phone and the gods of fate will pick a place that fits your parameters. Don’t like the choice? Just shake again and see what comes up. Once you settle on a restaurant, Urbanspoon can give you an address, phone number and reviews and a “Like it” score. You can also take chance out of the mix and browse the lists manually.

All three of these apps are free and can be found on iTunes.

Not everyone gets an Oscar nomination in their first big screen role. (I'm looking at you Ed Norton.) For most professional actors, their careers progress in stages and they spend a lot of time paying their dues. Before they get their big breaks, even some of cinema’s most respected actors will make ends meet by shilling for pretty much anything.

Some of the biggest names in Hollywood, like John Travolta and Morgan Freeman paid the bills by pitching soap and mouthwash. Before staring in classics like Legends of the Fall and Fight Club, one of Tinsletown's hottest hunks, Brad Pitt, made his mark selling Pringles. And nothing sells burgers like a cute kid, especially if that kid grows up to be a hot vampire-killer.

One of the funniest guys in Hollywood, Paul Rudd, took a turn as pitchman for Nintendo, with mixed results. But one of my all-time favorites has to be this gem from smart aleck actor Seth Green.

Wow, I miss the 80's.

I don't know about you, but there are few things I love more than a good old-fashioned clash of cultures. And the culture I find myself most fascinated with/confused by is Japanese pop culture. I don't really understand Hello Kitty or PokeMon, Anime cartoons confuse me and Japanese horror movies give me nightmares. (I'm not proud.) But what I love most is the appropriation of our western culture by the Japanese, often with hilarious results.

Take for example celebrity endorsements. In the age of instant access and unlimited information, most celebrities go to great lengths to protect their image. They hire consultants and spin-doctors. They train their bodies rigorously and diet religiously. But one image concession even the biggest stars in Hollywood are willing to make is the big money grab of overseas commercials. Stars who would never consider "selling out" by doing strange commercials where they look ridiculous, (at least by Western standards) have been throwing caution into the wind for years and selling everything from cosmetics and alcohol to fizzy drinks and yogurt. Most involve a celebrity standing around looking beautiful and holding/pointing to/eating/drinking the product. But my favorites are the ones that get lost in the translation. Like watching a pre-Food Network episode of Iron Chef (sub-titles, please, no voiceover) or a black and white Godzilla movie, I often don't know what is going on, but I don't really care. But with my all-time favorite Japanese celebrity shill, I think very little is lost in the translation, mostly because I can't really understand this guy when he is speaking English. That's just bad acting, in any language.

arigato

In the midst of blogging about March Adness last month, the gang at the lunch table here at CurrentMarketing got to talking about some memorable commercials from our childhoods. Spots we loved. Spots we hated. Spots that made us want to run right out and spend our folks’ hard-earned money on the latest sugary cereal or totally rad new Atari Cartridge. We had so much fun strolling down the Madison Avenue version of Memory Lane that I thought I’d do an occasional blog and revisit some fun spots from the good old days.

I thought I’d start with a staple of child marketing: fast food. Nobody under the age of 30 had any idea what I was talking about when I mentioned Burger Chef. Back in the late 60’s and early 70s, Burger Chef was a giant in the fast food industry, with more than 2,400 locations, nation-wide. Burger Chef was known for several innovations in the hamburger industry, including “The Works Bar,” (where you could dress your own burger) and toasted buns. Founders Frank and Donald Thomas patented the flame broiler in the 1950’s and were pioneers in children’s meals, including toy premiums with their “Fun Burger” in the early 1970’s. In fact, Burger Chef was on the losing end of a lawsuit against McDonalds, who lifted the idea and introduced the Happy Meal several years later. Prizes ranged from riddles, puzzles and small toys to Flex Discs and  Star Wars posters. I grew up just a few blocks from the Burger Chef in Valley Station, so I did as I was told by Burger Chef and Jeff… I collected them all.

It's been a long road, but we're finally here. It's time to crown a champion for March Adness.

In our first Final Four match-up we have:

3) Wendys’ "Where's the Beef?"
vs.
1) Volkswagen "Think Small"
The blue-haired powerhouse had finally met her match. And since I've said pretty much everything there is to say about the VW campaign, I'll take this opportunity to plug one of my favorite shows on TV these days, AMC's Mad Men. The show chronicles life on Madison Avenue in the "Golden Age" of advertising, the 1960's.  In the 3rd episode of the first season (Marriage of Figaro,) the aforementioned VW campaign gets a little shout-out as Don is flipping through Life Magazine and happens across the famous "Lemon" ad from the campaign. If you haven't seen Mad Men yet, check it out. In the wasteland of Reality TV and bad prime-time game shows, it's a hidden gem.

Winner: Volkswagen

In our second semifinal, we have:

1) Apple's  "1984"
vs.
4) Absolut "Bottle"
As much as I love the Absolut campaign, it is tough to match up with the genius of the "1984" spot. While the Big Brother spot was one of the most memorable in history, many people don't remember that there were at least two other computer companies running spots in that Super Bowl broadcast: Atari, featuring Alan Alda and Radio Shack, with The Incredible Hulk himself, Bill Bixby.

Winner: Apple

So it comes down to this. Somebody wake up Bill Packer because it is time to crown a
champion.

1) Apple's  "1984"
vs.
1) Volkswagen "Think Small"
While I appreciate what VW did for the subtle sell, Apple's ominous vision of the future of home computing made an incredibly strong impact. Another interesting tidbit about the campaign: Apple bought all of the advertising space (39 pages!) in the November/December special election issue of Newsweek to promote the Macintosh.

It is that kind of bold risk-taking with their image that makes Apple our 2008 March Adness Champion. And before we wrap up, check out this reprint of the story of the 1984 ad, as told by Owen Linzmayer in his book "The Mac Bathroom Reader." It's interesting stuff.

Alright folks, it's time to crank up "One Shining Moment," because I've got some serious celebrating to do. Not only have we crowned an Ad Champion , but Memphis took one on the chin this year and there is nothing a University of Louisville fan loves more than the tears of a Tiger. Those old Metro Conference rivalries don't just go away, you know

It's time to narrow the field to a Final Four and we've got a lot of ground to cover, so let's get started in the Food & Drink Region.

1) McDonald's "You Deserve a Break Today"
vs.
4) Coca-Cola "Have a Coke and a Smile"
This is a huge 2nd round match-up between two of the most recognizable advertisers in this field of 32. An interesting side note: 70s icon Barry Manilow didn't just write the songs that make the whole world sing. He also wrote the song that made the whole world buy cheeseburgers and won 2 Clio Awards in 1972 for his work with Tab and the famous "I am Stuck on Band-Aids" spots.

Winner: McDonald's

3) Wendys' "Where's the Beef?"
vs.
7) California Milk Processor Board "Got Milk?"
Both of these campaigns have gained a foothold in the public consciousness, but when your catch phrase plays a part in presidential politics, you have taken advertising to another level. During the 1984 Democratic primaries, Democratic candidate and former Vice President Walter Mondale ridiculed the candidacy of  Senator Gary Hart, by using the phrase during a March 11, 1984 televised debate. Hart focused his campaign around the phrase "new ideas." When Hart used the slogan in the debate, Mondale responded by saying, "When I hear your new ideas, I'm reminded of that ad, 'Where's the beef?".

Winner: Mondale won the nomination and Wendy's wins this round.

So in the Regional Finals we have are:

1) McDonalds
vs.
3) Wendy's
Clara Peller became a media sensation, making appearances on Saturday Night Live (4-14-84), and Wrestlemania 2. Becoming a cultural zeitgeist is more than any client could ask for and Dancer-Fitzgerald-Sample delivered just that to Wendy's.

Regional Winner: Wendy's

Transportation Region:
1) Volkswagen "Think Small"
vs.
5) Avis "We Try Harder"
The classic Doyle Dane Bernbach campaign "Think Small" is still taught in advertising classrooms around the world. If you get a chance, check out Frank Rowsome's book about the campaign. It's out of print, but you might find it in a used bookstore or on ebay.

Winner: Volkswagen in a rout.

3) Isuzu "Joe Isuzu"
vs.
2) Chevrolet "See the USA in your Chevrolet"
As funny as Della Famina, Travisano & Partners' Joe Isuzu was, it just doesn't hold up to the Campbell-Ewald jingle from the 1950s. I you get a chance, check out Jerry Della Famina's book, "From Those Wonderful Folks Who Gave You Pearl Harbor." It's a collection of "war stories" from one of the most outspoken members of the advertising community. (The title came from a brainstorming session for the client Panasonic.)

Winner: Chevrolet

Regional Finals:
1) Volkswagen "Think Small"
vs.
2) Chevrolet "See the USA in your Chevrolet"
Dinah Shore will only take you so far. DDB made a small, noisy, uncomfortable car produced in a factory built by the Nazis appealing to the American consumer. I'm not sure there is a taller order in advertising history.

Regional Winner: Volkswagen

Let's head out to Vegas for the Sinful Products Region where we have:

1) The Marlboro Man
vs.
4) Absolut Bottle
The irony of multiple Marlboro Men dying of lung related diseases is not lost on me (thanks Rob), and while Absolut has recently changed their campaign, the "Bottle" ads succeeded in making a tasteless, odorless liquor a tasty option when pulling up a barstool.

Winner: Absolut

2) Winston Tastes Good Like a Cigarette Should
vs
3) Miller Lite Taste Great- Less Filling
It is hard to get past using the Flintstones as cigarette shills and the Miller Lite ads still make me laugh, even if I did have to explain to my wife who Boog Powell was.

Winner: Miller Lite gets a seat in the front Row.

Regional Finals:
3) Miller Lite Taste Great- Less Filling
vs.
4) Absolut Bottle
The vodka giant is just too strong for Ueke and the boys. As much as I enjoy those Miller spots, there isn't a coffee table books with Billy Martin and Bubba Smith on the cover. (But the minute there is one, I'm placing my order.)

Winner: Absolut takes a spot at the Final Four.

On a side note: Absolut recently ran into a bit of bad PR with their Latin "In an Absolute World" campaign. In fact, there was such an outcry from north of the border that Absolut actually had to run an explanation on their web site.   I'm guessing much of the outcry came from folks with a limited grasp of American history and an even more limited sense of humor.

And last, but not least, the Consumer Products Region:

1) Apple – "1984"
vs.
4) Timex "Takes a Licking"
While "Takes a licking and keeps on ticking" is a clever line, the Apple spot was cinematic in scale. And it should have been, as it was directed by Ridley Scott, who had just come off filming Blade Runner and Alien.

Winner: Apple by a mile.

2) Nike - Just Do It
vs.
6) Energizer – "The Energizer Bunny keeps going and going and …"
Even the Energizer Bunny finally runs out of steam and trying to stop the Nike juggernaut is just too tall an order.  Like Mars Blackmon said, "It's gotta be the shoes."

Winner: Nike just does it again.

Regional final:

1) Apple – "1984"
vs.
2) Nike - Just Do It
Maybe I'm just a computer geek, but I'd rather be like Woz than like Mike. What many people didn't know about the 1984 spot is that it was very nearly axed by Apple's board of Directors, who ordered the ad scrapped and the time slot in the Super Bowl sold.

Winner: Even 24 years later, Apple's spot is still amazing.

So there you have it… our Final Four.  Wendy's vs. Volkswagen and Absolut vs. Apple. Check back tomorrow and we'll crown a champion. And, as always, if you have thoughts, leave a comment or drop me a line at jimdoesntcarewhatyouthink@yahoo.com.