On the fifth day of Christmas my ad firm sent to me
Five banner ads
Four e-blasts
Three web sites
Two Facebook posts
And a well-written Twitter tweet

On the second day of Christmas my ad firm sent to me
Two Facebook posts
And a well-written Twitter tweet

On the first day of Christmas my ad firm sent to me
A well-written Twitter tweet

We don't know who this guy is, but we did find this photo clipping laying on Dennis' empty desk. Based on the evidence, it seems Dennis took off running to Men's Fashion Barn for their annual Christmas Eve matching-socks-and-tie sale. If we know him, right now he's slugging it out with some feisty octogenarian 'neath the warm glow of a flashing blue light. But if that's what it takes to be on the cutting edge of men's holiday semi-formalwear, then that's what it takes! We salute your tenacity Dennis!

And on behalf of everyone at Current Marketing, we wish all of you a happy, safe and healthy holiday. Now go eat, drink and be merry!

If it's true that it takes a handsome man to pull off a truly hideous sweater, it's easy to see why Rob is considered the best looking guy in the office. Once, he parlayed those star looks into a lucrative modeling career, at least until destiny intervened.

"Trav Fimmel, Mark Schenkenberg and I were all on break from a shoot in Williamsberg, Virginia," he recently told a reporter from Men's Vogue. "On a lark we decided to head over to Busch Gardens for a ride on Apollo's Chariot. We were half way down the steepest drop when an albatross hit me square in the face. Wrecked my trademark dimples forever. Who would have guessed that Fabio and I would go the same way?"

Such a tragedy. But if it's any consolation, Rob, you'll always be a poster boy to us.

Why is this woman smiling? Obviously, because after decades as a dog breeder, Lisa has finally succeeded in fulfilling a life-long dream: the 8 point labradeer. "For years people have laughed at the very idea of crossing a canine with a ruminant," Lisa said recently. "But who has the last laugh now? These animals are going to be the must-have dogs of 2009. Not only are they obedient, fun-loving and loyal, they'll graze for hours on your back lawn, saving you thousands a year in kibble and yard maintenance costs."

Um…great idea there, Lisa! But won't those horns be a little hard on my upholstery?

Let's face it, lumps of coal in the stocking aren't always the most effective motivator for the truly naughty. So when Santa needs enforcement, he calls on this man: Ricky "The Reindeer" Schardein.

"Christmas isn't all sugar plums and mistletoe," said Schardein in the recent VH1 special, Santa: Behind the Red Suit. "There's always that segment of the population that won't be nice no matter how many candy canes show up in their stocking. That's where I come in, because when the carrots don't work, ya gotta use the stick."

What exactly is that stick? Schardein wouldn't comment on-camera. "Let's just say you don't want to show up on my naughty list. I'm not the guy you want coming down your chimney on Christmas Eve."

We believe you, Rick. We believe you.

Who knew that twenty-five years after the demise of Nick's 70's-era dance troupe, Lord Funk-O-More & The Electric Spank, a few of the old stage props would come in handy again. "These lights were part of my 'robot' solo," Nick said over drinks at the office Christmas party. "I'd slip on the specs and start moving all jerky, then the lights would start blinking and people would go absolutely ape."

He adds for the record: "The trick to a good robot is not to move your arms too much. The pivot points are all in the shoulders, waist and ankles." Thanks for the demo, Nick! I promise none of us will soon forget it.

Skiing may be the sport of kings, but it's not without its dangers. Take for example poor young Donovan here, who's been frozen solid in this position ever since he was overtaken by an avalanche on Paoli Peaks this weekend. We expect that he'll thaw out to the point he can start getting some work done around Thursday. Until then, he'll be standing in for the hat rack by the front door, pretty much 24-hours a day.

As a young nerdling, Sean knew very well what it was like to be tricked or cajoled into licking ice cold light posts in winter. That's why as an adult he founded the National Tongue and Frozen Pole Awareness Network. "This is an especially tough time of year for geeks and spazzes," he said. "Right now, all over this country, socially awkward young people are stuck to frigid pieces of metal, glued there by their own frozen saliva. Our mission is to be there wherever and whenever frozen pole trauma occurs, with warm water, gauze and understanding."

Sean, we salute — and snicker at — your noble efforts.