As the woman who pulled the short straw in our equal-opportunity Firm Santa drawing, it's clear that Laura has a long way to go if she's going to make it up to the mandatory Claus weight by Christmas. As you can see from the suspenders, last year's Santa, Dennis, did us proud ballooning up for the role like Robert Deniro on the set of Raging Bull. Unfortunately it doesn't seem that even Laura's appointed eating coach, Ashley, is going to be much help, no matter how hard she blows that Christmas light-shaped training whistle around her neck. You're letting us down, ladies! Now drop and give us twenty!

Accountancy is a second career for Pam. Previously she was founder and CEO of Collar & Leash Resources, an outsourcing agency that specialized in enlisting household pets for repetitive, light industrial tasks. After initial successes training dogs to sort recyclables and parakeets to stuff envelopes, the firm went bankrupt with a failed $26 million initiative to train cats to wrap Christmas gifts. “It was a disaster,” Pam said in a recent Fast Company interview. “Yarn losses alone were over a million our first year. Our VC firm dropped us like a hot potato after that. This promotional sweater is pretty much all I have left.” Oh well, Pam. We’re just happy to have you aboard.

Here's one for you history buffs: the last surviving garments made by Donna Karanina, the Mad Seamstress of St. Petersburg. These sweaters caused a riot when they were debuted in Moscow in 1622, during which the city was burned to the ground. Karanina fled with them to the more artistically enlightened city of Amsterdam, where upon their unveiling she was stoned and drawn and quartered before being burned at the stake. Her ashes were then shot, because, well, the Dutch really, REALLY hated these sweaters. Oh, how far we've come. Still, extra points to both you guys for bravery!

It was Sigmund Freud who famously wrote that all of us have an inner “Christmas elf” personality that we learn from early childhood to suppress. Happily, after decades of analysis in this very couch, Mel was finally able to get back in touch with hers. Here she reenacts the blissful moment of awakening, when she was finally reunited with her North Pole alter ego — so she says, a tiny, knit scarf-loving, candy cane-making gnome by the name of Tinky Mintstix. We couldn’t be happier for your experience of self-discovery, Mel, but want to caution you about those puffy decorative fabric paints, which have been known to give off toxic fumes.

Our resident thespians, Jonathan and Brandon, weren’t here for our photo shoot this week. Luckily we were able to substitute this publicity shot for their two-man Christmas sweater-themed production of Shakespeare’s Two Gentlemen of Verona, which debuted off Broadway last year. The triumphant run followed their less-well-received interpretation of Romeo and Juliet, in which Jonathan played all the members of the House of Montague, and Brandon, all of house Capulet. We wish them luck as they kick off rehearsals for their upcoming experimental wrestle-epic Hollywood Hamlet vs. Stone Cold King Lear. Break a leg, fellas!

Sometimes a sweater is simply a piece of clothing for its owner. Other times it becomes an entire organizing principle. So it was for Luke before this cardigan entered his life. “I was lost,” he said one recent morning. “But then the sweater came, and it’s given me purpose and direction. I was so stressed out before. Now I only have to remember one thing when life gets hard or confusing: trust the sweater.”

We’re happy for the peace and contentment he’s found, but try not to get trapped alone with him in the break room.

Though this sweater may look as though it was acquired for three dollars on Ebay, Jacky actually won it, having come in first in the 2008 Annual Snow Mirth & Merriment Competition, held each winter near Nome, Alaska. The competition comprises a variety of demanding snow and ice sculptural events, including Snowball & Fort and Snow Angel. However as the ceremonial sweater attests, it’s Snowman where Jacky really excels. Jacky won gold in the event last year, erecting a 2.6-meter ice and snow figure — scarf, carrot and all — in just under 38 seconds. A new world record!

Needless to say, we’re all very, very proud, and fully expect she’ll get both the car and the condo she requested from Santa this Christmas.

As CurrentMarketing’s resident athlete (in fact she's currently training for the Arizona Marathon), Lindsay never fails to acquire the latest pieces of Olympic-grade training gear. Case-in-point: this bright red vest she has on, which isn’t a sweater at all. Rather, it’s the just-released prototype “Reindeer” runner’s exoskeleton by Menschner Athletics of Helsinki. The brilliant crimson “wool” is actually a weave of tightly bundled filaments designed to maintain optimum body temperature and respiration for the length of a 26-mile run. The ultra-thin hunter green scrim cuts wind resistance to near-zero, and the matching earrings…well, they just look good.Because let’s face it, there’s winning, and then there’s winning in style, am I right?

Good luck in January, Lindsay!

Kati keeps telling everyone she’s embarrassed by this photograph, and we can certainly understand why. The camera angle doesn’t capture even half the detail of the priceless designer sweater she’s wearing. Imagine if you can the heartbreak of traveling all the way to Milan to acquire this one-of-a-kind Susan Rosen sweater-vest, only to have it photographed like this.

The good news is that the image does capture the lovely matching poinsettia hat by designer Anna Sui, who adds the perfect touch of whimsy to this festive holiday ensemble. These elegant pieces will be making their debut on the runways of Europe this spring. For now though — enjoy this special fashion sneak-peek!